Pre-cog Review of Truck Festival 10

Isn't the Truck Festival brilliant!

This year I decided to review it before even going. Actully looking at the weather maybe I wont go. (What am I saying, of course I will go!)

So here's my tounge in cheek review based solely on MySpace tracks. It started off a a serious attempt to figure out who to go and watch but degenerated into thinking of 1001 ways to slag bands off. Hope I havent caused too much offence.

Absolutely gutted that Manic Cough arent playing.

Apologies for bad formatting. Blame MS Word. You get the idea tjough


All comments based on my space tracks. Apologies if I got
the wrong band! Feel free to send to all your mates. Hope you enjoy the humour
herein.

Dr Adz Advance Review of Truck

All comments based on my space tracks. Apologies if I got
the wrong band! Feel free to send to all your mates. Hope you enjoy the humour
herein.

Main Stage Saturday 21st July

10.45-12.00	Ok I suppose	Idlewild
8.45-10.00	Spectacle – lets hope there’s an onstage fight. Watch DIG before next weekend!	Brian Jonestown Massacre
7.30-8.15	Shyte	Goldrush
6.15-7.00	Don’t like them personally but if it’s not pissing down I think I’ll stroll over. They’re probably a jolly sighjht better than most bands on the bill.	Brakes
5.00-5.45	I like: Americana / rap. Interesting, worth it	Buck 65
3.40-4.25	Country but not bad I guess. I’ll go ‘cos she’s in the SchaLaLas!	Piney Gir
2.40-3.10	Singer songwriter guff. Not my cup of tea vicar.	Chris T-T Band
1.40-2.10	Shyte.	The Mules
12.50-1.20	Not too bad. Poppy indie, could be worth it but perhaps best to have a skinful first.	Morrison Steam Fayre
12.00-12.30	Sound exactly like The Distractions (80s manc band). OK I guess, just.	The Cut Outs
11.30-12.00	Oxford band, do an awful reggae version of elenor rigby; comedy reggae Russian track. Lets hope they’re a comedy band otherwise they’re in trouble.	Drug Squad

Main Stage Sunday 22nd July

9.00-10.00	Pete seems to think this will be the event of the millennium. He’s the original accordion player from Bob Dylan’s backing band in the 60’s	Finale with Garth & Maud Hudson (Garth's 70th birthday)
8.45-9.00	Never heard of ‘em. Arf arf.	Quilt auction
7.30-8.30	For fucks sake! This lot are supposedly riding the crest of some sort of wave jesus!	Electric Soft Parade
6.15-7.00	Reform squeeze please.	Glenn Tilbrook
5.00-5.45	Holy fucking shit man! Has it really come to this?? And he sings his ‘songs’ in Welsh	Euros Childs
3.45-4.30	I’ve heard worse singer songwriters. Sounds like he could do with a bit of a pummelling though - he’s a bit wimpy!	Grand Drive
2.40-3.20	‘Experimental’ folk? Since when was yodelling along to a balalaika experimental?? ‘Utterly shyte’ folk more like!	Ralfe Band
1.40-2.20	Not too bad, cf U2/Snow patrol	iLiketrains
12.40-1.20	The Shyte League morelike. Nuff said.	The Silent League
11.50-12.20	Not too shyte I guess. White folk-tinged reggae. Uh-oh!	Rendle Will
11.00-11.30	Excellent, Gabba techno plus guitars (and dancing bear).	The Walk Off

Barn Saturday

1.30-2.30		DJ Fresh
12.30-1.30		DJ Chase & Status
11.30-12.30		Clipz
10.30-11.30		Teddy Dubspin & Bob Gnarly
9.30-10.30		DJ d'Arcy
8.30-9.30	If I got the right pedro: shyte!	Pedro
7.00-8.00	I used to cycle past him almost every day on my way to work. What’s a pop star doing out and about at 9am I used to ask myself. Sounds good to me. Even though I nwever really liked the Las or cast I reckon this is going to be pretty good.	John Power
6.00-6.40	More ska punk, could be worth it though. Yeah, not too bad.	Six Nation State
5.00-5.40	-	Josh T Pierson
4.00-4.40	Shyte	Emma Pollock
3.10-3.40	C’mon mate, give it some bollocks! Jesus, it’s like punk never happened. Country-tinged shyte. They’ve even got one of those horizontal slide guitar things. I wonder what he’d look like with that shoved up his arse?	Gabriel Minnikin
2.20-2.50	Yes alright then, I’m having this lot. A bit shoegazery but not too bad.	The Early Years
1.30-2.00	Slightly psychedelic indie fayre. Not too bad I guess. Could be worth a 5 minute perusal. They may well have heard the Stone Roses at some point. Yeah, OK I’m becoming more convinced. May be worth a look.	The Lea Shores
12.40-1.10	Hey a woman singer! That’s one of my criteria ticked off. And she sounds cute, so onto the music . Yes not too bad. Slightly different if it was on one of the other stages I’d turn around 90 degress and have alook. As it’s in the barn I may not be arese, after all – it would take over 2 minutes to get there!	Last Army
11.45-12.15	Professional sounding and not totally shyte. That’s a glowing recommendation from Dr Adz	Vibration White Finger
11.00-.11.30	Local band. Not worth getting out of bed for though.	Stornoway

Barn Sunday

9.20-10.00	Soul / rockabilly crossover, it says here. So what does he sound like? Sounds like some poncey wimp who’s never heard a soul or rockabilly record in his life. I’ve heard worse (apart from the cod reggae track and the wimpy quiet one). Actually, the more I hear the more I’m going off this band. Shyte on a stick.	Jack Penate
8.20-9.00	Shyte seen ‘em twice: I’ll probably love ‘em this time. What am I saying, no I won’t.	Nought
7.20-8.00	Brilliant. Death metal duo. Go see. If you can get in!!	Winnebago Deal
6.20-7.00	OKish	Pull Tiger Tail
5.20-6.00	Okish cf snow patrol	Oppenheimer
4.20-5.00	Rock, noisy guitars probably good after 10 beers. I’ll probably watch them.	The Rock Of Travolta
3.20-4.00	Not really for me. A bit 80’s	Hopewell
2.30-3.00	Punk/Oi band. Full stop.	Outl4w
1.40-2.10	From NY NY (so shyte they had to name it twice). Oooh very professional, very ordinary too	House&Parish
12.50-1.20	Interesting. I’d like to see them again.	Baby Gravy
12.00-12.30	Kate’s mates. V professional. See Cold Play. I guess I should go everybody says they’ll be the next big thing.	A Silent Film
11,15-11.45	Worth it I reckon. Bit of a racket!	Brother Francisco
10.30-11.00	From Witney. I wonder if their mum and dads will be there? More cod reggae unfortunately, but they all look so young so perhaps we shouldn’t be too harsh. They’d definitely benefit from being locked in a room with some Stooges, Pistols and Buzzcocks records though. And a bloke with a chainsaw.	Tristan and TheTroubadours
10-10.20	Probably a bit early! All I can say is Woooaaarrrgggghhhh and then gouge out my ears with my fingernails to spare myself the ordeal! Not good (at least on MySpace at any rate.) Actually, in a live context you may not be able to hear the singer. That would be a vast improvement!	Retribution

Trailer Park Saturday

9.30 - 2.00		Fresh Out The Box
8.40 - 9.10	Shyte from what I recall last year, to be fair though, no worse thanmany of the bands listed here. Somewhat uninspirational though!	Youthmovies
7.50 - 8.20		TBC
7.00 - 7.30	Synth-pop. Yes there’s still synth-pop bands around! God help us all.	Trademark
6.10 - 6.40	OK they have me half convinced. Reminds me a bit of Girls at Our Best! or the Delta 5 or some other girl-fronted indie band from early 80s.	I Was A Cub Scout
5.20 - 5.50		AS&AP
4.30 - 5.00	Arrgghhh, pass me the sick bucket, no the shotgun, no some earplugs, no the shotgun, Muttley …. Do something ….arrrggghhh! Easy listening country! Nuff said.	Paris Motel
3.45 - 4.15	Jesus!	Jonquil
3.00 - 3.30	Droney but quite good. Is shoegazing making a comeback? Pass the spliff…..	Fuck Buttons
2.15 - 2.45	Not bad. I’m not convinced but could be worth a look-see.	Fanfarlo
1.30 - 2.00	Grungy shoegazing (again!!) Not too bad.	Hreda
12.45 - 1.15		Leo Lightning And The Dynamic Two
12.00 - 12.30	Synth pop. Ugh!	100 Bullets Back

Trailer Park Sunday

9.30 - 10.00		Nervous Test Pilot
8.40 - 9.10	Possibly a rap band but maybe not!	Lethal Bizzle
7.50 - 8.20	Hmm. Interesting. A bit different. Could be shyte, could be OK, probably not brilliant!	Metronomy
7.00 - 7.30	Noisey! A bit death metally a bit grungey, a bit shyte. Not guaranteed to be totally crap!	The Future Of the Left
6.10 - 6.40	Have there ever been any good Italian bands? Joe Dolcie? I don’t think this lot are going to change that: fairly standard indie fodder. To be honest they could be worse! The best quality and last track is a bit different.	Disco Drive
5.20 - 5.50	Jangley indie pop – just the sort of soulless pomp you may see on an MTV indie show. They do actually have a bit of potential. But don’t seem to have the songs.	Winter Kids
4.30 - 5.00	Will be the best band at truck. Why no Manic Cough though???	The Schla La Las
3.40 - 4.10	Sound good. Girl indie. I’ll be there, you bet.	Blood Red Shoes
2.50 - 3.20	Norwegian powerpop – doesn’t sound that promising does it? Uninspirational but solid. Could turn out OK.	Jim Protector
2.00 - 2.30	Don’t think so! Georgina Pringle, for it is a she, is quite avant-garde. Certainly it’s different.	George Pringle
1.15 - 1.45	Impressive list of influences, highly unimpressive songs though. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz	Gravenhurst
12.30 - 1.00	No and thrice no. Shyte!	Napoleon IIIrd
11.45 - 12.15	From Hull! I think I’m convinced. An agreeable racket to be sure. Not brilliant but worth a look.	Fonda 500
11.00 - 11.30	Heard a lot about this local band. Wow – there’s a track with the SC4T bloke grunting on it. Sounds good to me. A must see.	Keyboard Choir

Lounge Saturday

1.00-2.30	Alan’s mate.	Barry Dark
11.30-1.00		Si Roche
10.00-11.30		Humphrey Bacchus
9.00-9.45	Singer songwriter. Should be shot on principle.	Frank Turner
8.00-8.45		Anthony Elvin
7.00-7.45	Is this what they call emo-core? Shyte-core would be a better name to be honest. Avoid at all costs. If you get your foot trapped down a drain and this band come onstage just chop the limb off. Don’t even pause for thought! Get the hell out of there.	Pacific Ocean Fire
6.00-6.45	Love’d em last year, one of the high-lights for me. I bought the CD, but was a bit disappointed. Shambolic but brilliant live.	The Research
5.00-5.45	At last – possibly the worst band of the whole festival! Country music, slidey guitar with a trumpet. Definitely worth heading back to the tent just in case one accidentally catches any of this lot.	The Marmadukes
4.00-4.45	They’ve got a song called ‘Arse’, so surely they must be great mustn’t they? Hmmmmm – if angst ridden indie is your bag then maybe this is the band for you.	The Rhonda Valley Pigeon Federation
3.00-3.45	As unimpressive as fuck! Standard indie fodder (except a bit shyter).	Owen Tromans
2.00-2.45	Punk/soul !!!! Could be a bit of a hoot, they look like a wacky bunch. Worth a look I’d say.	The Conscripts
1.00-1.45	Not total shyte. Moderately interesting use of sampler and guitar. They’ll probably be OK on the night (or lunchtime to be more precise).	Restlesslist
12.00-12.45	Standard indie fodder, sounds like they’ve heard snow patrol. Have a lie in & arrive late.	Actress Hands

Lounge Sunday

8.30-9	OK – quite possibly worth it. An agreeable if somewhat unispirational noise. Again – a bit Snow Patrolly.	The Tambourines
7-7.30		People's Rev Choir
7.45-8.15	Rock tinged country. Is there a worse form of music? Actually they’re not that country, but still aren’t any good.	Le Reno Amps
6.20-7.00	Local band – doesn’t make them good though! Far from it in this case. Basic standard indie fodder devoid of inspiration. And you thought dishwater was dull?!	Under the Igloo
5.00-6.00		DJ Badger
4.00-5.00		Fabulous hand (DJ)
3.00-4.00		Mr Green (DJ)
2.00-2.40	Holy buggerations!! It’s kippers in the ears time folks, looks like we got us a real genuine warbley folk band.	The Roundheels
1.00-1.40	Slick, wimpy and shyte.	The Pony Collaboration
11.50-12.30	Seem to have a bit of oomph about them. And they have a female singer.	Easy Tiger
11.00-11.30	From USA, sound professional. But ultimately shyte.	The Night Time
10.00-10.30	I mean they’re shyte, but perhaps not as shyte as some others!	Witches

Market Stage Saturday

11		Trashy Disco
10.15-11.00	Won BBC best new folk act award in 2002. That should be a warning sign!	Uiscedwr
9.30-10	Legend! Wonder what he’s going to do?	John Robb
8.30-9.10		The Epstein
7.20-8.00	Folk rock. I suppose for a folk rock band they aint too bad. There aren’t no Midlake though!	Alberta Cross
6.15-7.00		Danny George Wilson
5.30-6.00		sam isaac
4.30-5.15		Little Sister
3.20-4.00		Cat Martino
2.35-3.05		Eamonn McNamee
1.45-2.20		Richard Walters
1-1.30		Andy Robinson
12.15.12.45		The Gog
11.30-12.00		The See-see
10.30-11.00		Quarter Finals

Market Stage Sunday

8.30-9.30	Laid-back singer songwriter. People will probably love him. Not me though!	Unkle Bob
7.30-8.15	Not over promising if I’m to be honest! By apparently the live spectacle is something else.	Thomas Truax
6.30-7.15		Andy Yorke
5.30-6.10		KTB
4.30-5.10		Luke Smith
3.40-4.10		Kate Walsh
2.40-3.20		Co Pilgrim
1.45-2.20		Rachael Dadd
1.00-1.30		The Winchell Riots
12.15-12.45		Daniel Black Power
11.30-12.00		Oxygen Ponies
10.45-11.15		Y
10- 10.30		Brandon Patton